Bullying is an unacceptable behaviour, but all too often it robs individuals of the confidence to challenge it. It can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness听补苍诲听create a feeling that one is trapped.听
Some of our colleagues took the time to share experiences throughout their careers with us to help improve understanding of what bullying looks like, feels like and how this can impact on a person鈥檚 life and career. We thank the individuals who shared their past experiences, and whilst this may not be easy reading, we hope it is thought provoking and will open up conversations about how we can not just challenge these behaviours where we see them, but also prevent them from occurring.
The excerpts below are from ten colleagues who are now working at the University, and have been submitted anonymously. Many of these submissions have identified specifically that it was at a different organisation, but workplace bullying can occur in any institution and we must continue to combat the conditions that allow bullying to thrive.
It can be very difficult to relate to these experiences, and it is with the utmost respect we share them to reach out to those who might be going through something similar and help them understand they are not alone and are not to blame. There are links to support resources at the end of this article.
Bullying听 affects听more than just your work life鈥�听
鈥淚 remember dreading Tuesdays as I always had a meeting with the bully on that day, whether it was a monthly 1:1 or a team meeting. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach from Sunday night, wondering what听they听were听going to pick on or how听they听would find a question to ask that I didn鈥檛 know the answer to and belittle me in听front of my colleagues.” 听
鈥淚 began to become depressed, I couldn鈥檛 sleep and started taking sleeping tablets. I dreaded Monday mornings earlier and earlier in the weekend. I went from being a happy person who loved to go to work to someone who couldn鈥檛 find joy in anything.鈥澨�
鈥�And听comes in many forms.听
鈥淏ullying isn鈥檛 always a full-blown and obvious attack, sometimes it鈥檚 a slow drip of condescension, aggressive behaviour, rude emails and belittling in front of others and on a one-to-one basis.听听
This behaviour, particularly the aggression, made me feel highly stressed, anxious and I did not want to go to work. I overprepared for every meeting, but still made mistakes which were pointed out to the team. The experience had serious consequences on my health, home life and work rate as I could no longer concentrate, wasn鈥檛 sleeping and was having panic attacks before and at work.鈥�听
鈥淚 was held to impossible standards and was criticised for things that were beyond my control. As someone who had never previously been criticised at work I was devastated, especially when听they听began to humiliate me in front of my colleagues.鈥澨�
鈥�Following this I had days of silence in the office and barely being spoken to. I found an听email in a joint email account talking about me from my manager to听their听manager.鈥�听
鈥淚 would go into work but was deliberately excluded from important meetings and social outings. I was made to feel unnecessary and bad at my job, I received no support and I continued to feel worthless and stupid. I got no support with my day to day work, work that was for the group. My work was often taken and used by others, I complained and was told that I had no right.鈥澨�
These situations often leave听people feeling trapped and isolated.听
鈥�My personal circumstances kept me in the job for years more than I should have been there because I felt trapped and was constantly told that I was lucky鈥� I felt so unsupported and alone鈥�听I have lost a lot of my career through bullying; I have been set back years.鈥�听
鈥淢y personal tutor was one of the supervisor鈥檚 supervisees and the head of department was widely known to be the best friend to my supervisor鈥� Cornered, I did not pursue the case, my supervisor marked my thesis, gave me a poor score, taking my year mark down from a distinction (top of my year) to a merit, and my appeal went unrecognised鈥μ齀 regret not pursuing the case further to save the next student/staff听member,听however, I simply couldn鈥檛 afford the financial cost of that decision.鈥澨�
鈥�鈥hile I wanted to [make a formal complaint], I was too scared of the repercussions and chose not to take it any further and look for a new job鈥�鈥�听听
鈥淚t鈥檚 only looking back, that I realise there was a culture of bullying and that management abused their power. I now know that I was more than capable of doing that job, had I been given the correct training.鈥澨�
Many people听begin to blame themselves and find it difficult to reach out. But those that have been through the experience听highlighted it听is important to know you can reach out to friends, family听and professional services.听听
鈥�The things that got me through that extremely hard time were therapy through an听听service, the support of my family, and reassurance from fellow students who, though they felt powerless to speak up, simply helped me to understand that I was not the terrible person my supervisor made me out to be, and this could have happened to any of them.鈥�听
鈥淭hey听made me a cup of tea, listened carefully and reassured me that it was not ok to be made to feel this way. I wish I had talked to someone sooner instead of saying to myself听鈥榶ou鈥檙e being silly鈥櫶齩r听鈥榠t will get better.鈥� 鈥�听
鈥�The biggest help for me throughout this experience was the other people in the company who could see what was happening and were willing to stand up against her behaviour听–听this is what gave me the strength to advocate for myself to HR and ultimately move on from the situation.鈥�听
It can be hard to escape these feelings, and many people听still find themselves changed by their experience.听
鈥�The ending is听happy听but this experience will stay with me for a long time. When things don鈥檛 go as planned at work听now听I feel a lot of anxiety, even if it鈥檚 not something I can control.鈥�听
鈥淓ven now when somebody comments positively on my skills and professionalism, I am surprised how others think of me. I am gaining in confidence in my abilities every day and am gradually getting back to the person I was when I started.鈥澨�
鈥�This was 5 years ago. I am now undergoing counselling as this experience has affected almost all aspects of my life, it has left me with very little confidence, questioning who I am and what听is appropriate to do or say in most situations.鈥�听
I am starting to rebuild my confidence, but I still suffer from anxiety as a result of my experience. My only regret is not making a formal complaint, which is why I am sharing my experience now in the hope that I can help others in a similar situation, as if no one ever stands up to bullying, how will anything ever change?鈥�听
We would like to thank the colleagues who have shared their experiences听here, and听urge anyone who is feeling this way to reach out to a friend, colleague, or one of our听professional Harassment Contacts听for confidential advice.听We provided details of some of the available resources听on听SUSSED News earlier this week.听You can also find out more information on the听HR pages.听听
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